could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
