he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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