i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
