dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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