I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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