OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
