I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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