The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
