at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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