yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
