new low.... made out with someone while peeing
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize