I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
