sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
