What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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