You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize