i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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