I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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