i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
