I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
