hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
