Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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