I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize