We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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