I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
