If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
