Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize