I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
