just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
