remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
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