How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
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