You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
