How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
