Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
