Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
