I met the friendliest cop last night
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
