She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
