I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
