Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
