i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
