six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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