Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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