Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
