Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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