hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
