hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
