Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
