In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
My hand turned me down
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
