fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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