So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
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