We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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