i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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