I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
