I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
