I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Two words: blizzard sex
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
