Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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