They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
false alarm, still single
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
