are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
