Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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