He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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