In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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