Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this will be a night to untag.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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