How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
