I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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