I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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