I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
