"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Randomize
