I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
