There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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