Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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