Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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