Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
