I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
