never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
