Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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