I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
