ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
