You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
